I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
