Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
