You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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