maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
