i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
