yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the day after is always just damage control
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
