If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
