Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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