I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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