the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
