i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
