I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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