He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
