remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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