I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
