Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
