I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i think i have two assholes
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
