My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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