Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
