whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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