I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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