I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
