I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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