Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
