my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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