Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
