Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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