Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
