i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
