Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
