I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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