no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
