Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
do herpes really smell.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
