can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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