Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
