You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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