I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
