but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
