wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
