If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
