Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
