i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
