my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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