Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
