just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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