I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
