He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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