I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
