No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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