Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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