I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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