Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
