shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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