I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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